Knitted underwear

Another glimpse back to a past without central heating - "handknitted underwear to keep you warm", from Patons. Patons propose that all these garments should be knitted in Patons Beehive and Halcyon 3 ply, "chosen for their softness and warmth". Keeping away the winter chills is the key here, rather than feminine prettiness (although the pink Lady's Vest and Knickers combo does have a pretty, lacy trim).

Every time I see a pattern like this for a big garment to be knitted in 3 ply, on tiny needles, I marvel at the patience our grandmothers and great-grandmothers must have had. It's a far cry from today's quick-fix chunky yarns and fat needles...

Knit a Gryffindor scarf for a cat

If your cat is a Harry Potter fan, what better gift to give than a cat scarf knitted in Hogwarts house colours. Here is Slinky wearing his Gryffindor scarf with pride. Could also be good for football-loving cats, maybe knitted up in West Ham or Arsenal colours.

You'll need 2 x 4 or 5 mm knitting needles and scraps of double knitting wool in dark red and gold. Cast on 6 stitches (or 8 if you want a wider scarf). Starting with red, work 6 rows in stocking stitch (one row knit, one row purl). Change to yellow and work 6 more rows of stocking stich, carrying the red yarn up by twisting it once with the yellow yarn - this will save you having to sew in all the loose ends for each stripe.

Once the scarf is the right length for your cat, cast off and add a couple of inches of fringe.

Health and Safety Officer note: make sure your cat only wears his scarf while you are supervising him so he doesn't get it tangled in anything. Do not let him wear it outside - other cats may not understand and laugh and point.

1940s bed jackets

In these centrally-heated days a bed jacket is a rare sight indeed, and those that are around today are generally thick, fleecy and practical, aimed at the poorly and infirm.

How different bed jackets were in the 1930s, when they were a de rigeur glamour item for the Hollywood starlet, or anyone trying to inject a little femininity (and warmth) into a chilly boudoir.

This Target knitting pattern from the 1940s shows a stunning wide-collared bed jacket, to be patiently knitted in delicate 3-ply wool. This little confection has a timeless charm - still pretty enough to be worn today, even outside the bedroom, as part of an evening outfit.

I like the way that the lady in the top hand left corner is looking down, muttering, "Damn, hers is much nicer than mine," under her breath.

U900 Sleigh ride

If you like crocheted amigurumi toys, and you like ukeleles, you will love these little Christmas gems from Japanese uke duo U900.

Aled Jones. On a sheep. Wearing a jumper.

Who's this young feller-me-lad sitting atop his sheep, sporting a jaunty 1980s picture knit jumper? Why, it's top Radio 2 presenter and warbler Aled Jones, from the 1986 Knitability book, by Linda O'Brien and Gyles Brandreth. Aled is 16 years old here, although he looks young and sweet enough to still get away with half-fare on the bus. If I were a newsagent, I certainly wouldn't sell him matches.

Aled is seated on a very rare acrylic sheep, which is where the yarn for his jumper has come from. Farmers dislike raising acrylic sheep because they melt in the sun when it gets hot, and they stick to the hillside. No, really.

Soviet textiles from the 1920s

Revolutionary Costume by Lidya Zaletova et al (Rizzoli Publications, 1989) is my current coffee-table read - it's a pleasingly hefty study of Soviet clothing and textiles of the 1920s.

Soviet fabrics from this period rejoice in industrial imagery and symbols of progress - planes, cars, trains and construction sites. Maybe if Kraftwerk ever designed a range of fabrics they would look a lot like this.

This sample from the First Factory of Printed Cotton, Moscow, from the 1920s, shows a crane, factory and worker and wouldn't look out of place on the Liberty fabric counter.


I love this romantic vision of peasant life by Sergei Burylin from the late 1920s, although I can't help but worry that the gent on the cart is telling the ladies that their farm is about to be razed to the ground to make way for the railway, and they are all off to work in a factory to make automotive components.


Finally, it wouldn't be Soviet fabric art without at least one tractor. Here's Tractors by Sergei Burylin, from 1930. Bit of a sporty model, by the looks of it.

John Deere manufacture an astonishingly large range of tractor-related fabrics today, but none of them hold the same romanticism and sheer Joy of Tractor as these Soviet beauties.

Crochet Christmas Dove ornament

I love this little crocheted Christmas dove ornament from Lion Brand Yarn. Not just for the Christmas tree - this little chap would look rather jolly as part of a spring hanging decoration, or mobile. Or if you want to see nature red in tooth and claw, stuff him full of catnip and make a cat toy.

You'll need to register for the Lion Brand website to see the full pattern - it's free, they don't send you spam, and you gain access to an Aladdin's cave of free knitting and crochet fun.

Helmets

Another knitted headwear bygone - the helmet. Like a balaclava, only without the eyeholes. You can't blame terrorism for the demise in popularity of the helmet, only a change in popular taste, and possibly warmer winters.


Helmets were not just for the kiddies as this glamorous crocheted ladyhelmet from Patons proves. Very handy for covering up love bites. The Nouvelle Vague pout is optional.


Seafaring gentlemen would rather be keelhauled than be spotted leaving port wearing a ladyhelmet. This Seawear in Lister's Bluebird pattern is for them. Along with the traditional full-head helmet (top left), there is also a mysterious "helmet without crown" (bottom row) which seems to keep the neck warm but leave most of the head exposed apart from a small strip along the top of the head. Any idea why?

I love the idea of a knitting pattern just for fishermen - can't see Debbie Bliss catering for this market today.

Balaclavas

Once upon a time you could walk down the street wearing a balaclava and people wouldn't automatically assume that you were a terrorist.

Having said that, you'd be hard pushed to see these two young gentlemen from a 1970s Harmony pattern as extremists of any kind, especially with those jaunty pom-poms. They look more like the victims of a cruel condition where one's bobble hat keeps on growing uncontrollably, smothering the wearer and resulting, eventually, in a snug head-to-toe acrylic cosy.

Knitted iPod Nano

Inspired by the crazy Patons Christmas knitting family, here is my solution to all your present problems this Christmas, the knitted iPod Nano.

The same dimensions as the new larger-screened iPod Nano, this knitted version is infinitely superior as it never needs recharging and you can drop it as often as you like.

It comes with a high-quality pair of crochet headphones, felt and embroidery control dial, and unlike Apple's polished anodised aluminum finish, this iPod boasts a cosy DK knit outer.

Now for sale on Etsy!

Knitted Christmas bauble

Here's a pretty decoration from the Paton's Traditional Christmas family front room - a knitted Christmas tree bauble that you could make to co-ordinate with your decor, or Christmas jumpers.

I like these a lot, but won't be making them as the cats will think they are special cat toys and destroy the tree.

Yarn: Use oddments of DK.

Needles: 3 3/4 mm needles.

Tension: 24sts and 32 rows to 10cm in stocking stitch (although let's lighten up here a minute - these are Christmas tree baubles, they don't have to be precisely the same size as the pattern)

With main colour cast on 5 sts and purl 1 row.
Row 2: (RS) K1, *M1, K1; rep from * to end. 9 sts.
Row 3: Purl.
Rep the last 2 rows twice more. 33 sts.
Row 8: Knit.
Row 9: Purl.
Row 10: K3, *M1, K3; rep from * to end - 43 sts.
Row 11: Purl.

Joining in 1st and 2nd colours as required work the 13 rows of chart to make pattern. Continuing in main olour only, purl 1 row.

Row 26: K3, *K2 tog, K2; rep from * to end - 33 sts.
Work 3 rows in st st, starting with a purl row.
Row 30: K1, *K2 tog; reo from * to end - 17 sts.
Row 31: Purl.
Repeat the last 2 rows twice more. Cast off remaining 5 sts.

Join seam, leaving an opening for stuffing. Stiff firmly, and close opening. Sew a hanging loop to top.

Severus Snape finger puppet

"Mummy, can you knit me Professor Snape for Christmas?"

Having ascertained that the request was for a doll-sized Severus Snape, not a life-sized one (a spectacular talking-point though that would be), I cautiously replied in the affirmative. I didn't have a pattern for a pocket-sized potion master, but I did have a pattern for a creepy-looking Lady Diana doll that might be adaptable.

Now, I've never knitted a doll before, let alone morphed The People's Princess into the head of Slytherin house, but I suspected that this might be the route to a nervous breakdown just before Christmas. I decided to knit a Snape finger puppet as a back-up plan, so at least there would be something Snape-shaped in the Christmas stocking in case the bigger doll isn't finished in time (or ends up looking like Princess Diana with Michael Jackson's hair).

I'm pleased with the way this finger puppet has turned out, although his cape keeps curling at the edges. The whole puppet is made out of scraps of double knitting wool, apart from the hair, which is half double knitting, and half fine black crochet cotton. Completely DK hair was too full and bushy, so I ended up unpicking it and adding crochet cotton for a nice lanky effect (sorry, Severus...).

Ten points to Slytherin!

Any requests for famous-people finger puppets?

Recycled card Christmas baubles

My photo does not do these babies justice. Just go to craftstylish.com and make some for yourself - they are really beautiful, and surprisingly easy to make. Follow the craftstylish instructions and you will get 7cm baubles, perfect for a Christmas tree. I can't resist fiddling with instructions so made these two giant ones out of recycled card by scaling everything up times three.

The result: very dramatic 20cm paper lanterns.
The general reaction: Squee! I want one.

Recycled paper star garland

Another decoration for the Transition Town Worthing Christmas bash - a star garland made out of recycled wrapping paper.

Take a length of twine and create knotted loops where you want each star to be positioned. Cut out as twice as many paper stars as you want on your garland, one for each star's front and back - there's a great star template at activityvillage.co.uk to use. I used wrapping paper, but old wallpaper or craft paper would be equally good.


Cover the reverse of one star in Pritt stick glue, use a glue gun to glue the string onto the star, and then sandwich another star on the top of the first one - you may need a dab more from the glue gun to keep the string in place. Glue gun a button onto the star, and you're done.

A very knitted Christmas

This family, from the Patons Traditional Christmas book, must have started knitting on Boxing Day last year to get this festive feast of yarnery ready for yule this year.

Christmas jumpers, knitted tree decorations, a throw, stockings, a decapitated Santa head, knitted place mats, knitted candle holder (the ultimate fire hazard), and Christmas hot water bottles all take pride of place in the Patons family lounge. The knitted brown thing on the table at the edge of the picture is sadly not a knitted turkey to rival Flo's turkey cake: it's a knitted wreath table centrepiece.

The little boy is looking worried because he asked for a video iPod Nano for Christmas. Dad is telling him the good news: he's got one right here in this sparkly box. The bad news is that Mum knitted it. Sorry, son.

Roast Turkey Cake

I don't eat turkey, but I do love cake, so this fantastic turkey cake and all the trimmings would probably be my perfect Christmas dinner. It was created by my talented friend Flo in Coventry and her equally talented workmates, as a leaving dinner for her boss.

I'll let Flo explain: "Boss was a real Blumenthal fan so we thought it would be funny to do him a Christmas dinner entirely from cake. It was made all the better by him complaining, five minutes before we unveiled this undertaking, that he was really sad he was missing our Christmas meal and also the one at his new workplace...

Basically, madeira cake was cooked in a big mixing bowl and cut to shape (reckon a heart-shaped pan might have done this, but the dome effect was good.) I bought two round chocolate sponge cakes and cut them into leg shapes then pinned the lot together with bamboo skewers.

Fortuitously, I had found turkey-coloured icing, sold as Teddy Bear brown, so that sorted that. Then I dimpled it all with the end of a spoon, and tried to add some details with black colouring which wasn't too successful.

Someone else made stuffing balls out of flapjack mix, lovingly dyeing some oats green to look like sage.



Someone else made fairy cakes and covered them in sugar syrup for roasties, another made shortbread, shaped and dyed orange for carrots, another rolled green marzipan peas, and another made a sponge cake and covered it with buttercream to make mash. Then all we needed was chocolate sauce gravy and bingo!

It was brilliant when he walked in coz we had carols playing and lights and tinsel and he really thought we'd cooked him a roast dinner - so his jaw dropped when he realised what it really was.


Problem was, we served it up as a plate of roast dinner which we all ate but it was ALL CAKE so we felt quite ill... didn't have thirds..."